im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
