We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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