I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had sex on a dog bed..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The power of my boobs compel you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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