tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
