i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
