You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize