I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
