his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
