Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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