I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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