no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
