This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
