apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Will exercising make me less horny?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
