I feel like abortions should bother me more
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
