I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
and you fell through a lawn chair
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
