I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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