So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
