i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
