I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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