A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
