he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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