but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
