it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
