Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
