so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
