Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
