My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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