i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i think i just lost a toe
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
