I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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