Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
