fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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