We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
