Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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