In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
