Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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