"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
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Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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