They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
