Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
