What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I didn't notice because vodka
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
