Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
