1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
