my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
