becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
