Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
