God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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