Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
