So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize