The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
