she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
