i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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