shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
