matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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