She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
