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I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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