i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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