So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
