Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
