Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
