I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
