I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish I could teleport
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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