i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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