We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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