When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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